I fall. Again.
I dream and act like the fool I am.
And I miss you. (God knows I do!)
But I am still a fool.
I somehow trick myself into thinking everything will change.
(That’s also why I am a fool.)
I can’t let go of the memories of us. I can’t let go of the moments that bound us. I can’t stop wondering about where everything went wrong…
(God, do I miss you…)
The very sight of you is intoxicating to my mind. I can’t help but wander.
The thought of having you back in my life consumes me. I can’t help but want it.
But we keep falling in the same pattern.
We care too much. We try not to care at all. We murder our souls trying to forget.
I guess we are both fools.
I tell myself I can’t live without you and then I destroy everything connecting me to you as you choose to do the same.
This is not the way it was supposed to be. But I guess we are meant to be sleeping in a bed of nails. And we lie and wait.
We should admit the reality is we are mad about each other but we just can’t help but choke each other with our restless, hungry hands.
We are fools.
And we share a madness few can understand.
And trying to hold on to that is tiring our bodies and our minds.
But we keep thinking, somehow, we can’t live without one another.
My feelings are too much to keep to myself. And I am trying so hard to do so.
I tell myself I will be fine and I will stay here. But the pain is unbearable and it becomes a weapon of opportunity.
We started a war we didn’t intend to start. And we use everything (our deepest insecurities and darkest thoughts) against the other.
But the fire has to cease.
Because inside, we care. Too much for our own sake.
I wouldn’t mind playing the game if it meant we both could win. But we are losing. And losing too much.
We are fools, indeed.
I know it. You know it.
I wish I could tell if we are ever going to get it together but I am not sure anymore.
I am exhausted. Mostly because I am fighting against the one I have ever loved most.
But I love myself, too. And I have to learn to live… without you.