It’s been basically a month without any work done, writingwise.
I have been feeling pretty devoided which is the type of mood that brings me to a state of utter desperation and sometimes, even shame.
I hate feeling like I can’t express my emotions because I consider myself as a person who is very much in touch with my feelings. I hate it. It also makes me feel sad. And that’s never a good combination.
I have recently lost a friend (not as in that person died, more like all communication has ceased) and it’s always a tough process. I hate when people leave my life, especially when I feel like nothing has gone the way I expect it.
I have no desire to control people or their image of me. I simply feel like sometimes I am unable to translate who I am and how I feel and that makes me act irrationally and most of times, out of character.
But I guess that’s how everything goes.
I have a hard time letting go of people but I suppose that’s one of the things that also makes me a good friend. I am there for the ones I love. I am there to the bitter end. I am there body and soul. I am there through the depths of Hell.
I shouldn’t hope for other people to be as understanding and as forgiving as I am, but at the end of the day, I do. We all commit the crime of believing other will react like we do, under the same circumstances. But they don’t. And that’s also okay.
Figuring out who you are in this world gets harder by the second. The world is insensitive. Everyone is losing touch. It’s so fucking degrading!
But I won’t stop fighting for what I believe in. Even if it rips me apart.
I refuse to be a machine. I refuse to be numb or feel numb. I will choose being human. Everytime.