It was of everyone’s knowledge that something was not quite right in her head.
At first, it was something hidden in plain sight. Under a carefully put-together mask. Under layers of skin that were not hers. Under looks that told absolutely nothing.
Beneath everything, absolute, mind-numbing hell. Something no one could understand how had it been buried for so long.
People do the same mistakes for years and years, never realizing how degrading they are. Their very souls decaying for decades, without repair or protection.
Our minds just drive us toward what they need or what they perceive they need. And then we are left hungry for days. We are left broken for weeks. We are left thirsty for months. We are left to ashes for years.
But our brains never let us forget. We are stuck with a conscience that never sleeps in a flesh ever so tired. We remember. Every painful detail of our shortcomings. Every awful thought we tried to leave behind.
We live days that seem unending. The continuity is a dreadful joke. Mostly because we live and we choose to do so.
Energetic thoughts cross our morose minds and we never cease to give in to thinking, to wanting more, to look for nothing in everything.
She felt paralyzed by action and paranoid by thought. Days felt like nothing could cure this madness. Nights felt like nothing would.
Life was changing around her and she had the feeling she wouldn’t make it through.
Her demanding brain was killing her slowly but violently. Some days would feel like there was nothing she could do to help herself. And she couldn’t lead an ordinary existence with so many demons squeezing the heaven out of her.
Everybody knew something was wrong. But no one dared to ask questions, to try to get a perspective of the why. And if someone dared, she would feel like it was a trap, a terrible mockery of her own essence.
She did feel she was doomed to be this way to the end. Tormented by a mind that could not be ruled, a manipulative self within herself that simply wouldn’t let go of anything.
She remembered. Everything.
She wasn’t allowed to forget.
Electricity was always running high on her head. And she lived on. And she remembered…
One day, like everyone else, she would forget.