After careful observation for several years in my life, I have come to a few realizations. (Not a lot, a few. And a few is more than enough.)
I have realized I live in a world which doesn’t give two fucks if I am happy or lost or depressed.
I have realized certain people won’t change, no matter how many opportunities you give them.
I have realized great friends are not coming in swarms but rather one or two at a time.
I have realized some people will give you chances if you show them your true self.
I have realized parents will love one unconditionally and so will brothers and sisters.
I have realized family is mostly a home-like feeling, so it can come from nearly anyone around you.
I have realized learning and growing always has a cost and it’s not just anyone who is willing to pay for it.
I have realized life is a daily gift but most of us, never even get to feel that truth.
I have realized friendship will always be the most important thing to me, alongside family.
I have realized love is not something you demand or are entitled to, even though most people treat it like so.
I have been having mixed feelings about many events in the past few days (concerning love, friendship, my studies) but do not mistake this for a lack of direction. I know where I came from and I know where I am fucking going. And to hell with anyone who tries to divert me from my path.
I feel more resolute than ever. I feel more secure than ever. I feel more confident than never. And hey, I still have a lot of fight in me.
I know there’s a lot of fucking people expecting me to fail, to fall on my face and maybe lose a few teeth but guess what? I have developed reflexes. And much like a cat, I will land on my feet.
I have not much to fear now. Possibly only my damn mind. But even that old pal is getting back on track. Slowly but surely stepping out in this brave new world.
I feel accomplished and even, for a few moments here and there, I feel happy. Which is something the world doesn’t give two shits about but I fucking do. I care for my happiness and the one of others. Is that naive? Perhaps. But I believe in humanity even if most of you fuckers don’t.
I believe in beautiful love and gorgeous souls and wonderful minds. And I won’t allow the ones I have met to wither under these systems of downers. I shall help them flourish and thrive.
I don’t believe in crushing lives and dreams and people’s light. And I don’t believe in exploiting one’s feelings for any type of gain or pleasure.
I believe in a reality that might feel rather utopian but is nevertheless authentic. How do I know? I have felt it. I have seen it in people’s eyes, I have felt it in their heartbeats, I have heard the tone of their voices and the truth in all of it.
All these realizations have come at a price and I have paid for them with my heart and soul and interestingly enough, I have managed to keep both pretty much untouched.
I have no regrets. I only wish I had fought harder sometimes. But I will from now on. I won’t leave this battlefield without scars or blood on my face, I might shed tears, I might sweat all the water that my body sustains but I will fucking fight harder than ever.
These systems of a down won’t manage to throw me down again without being dragged along by the full force of my resolve.
I shall persevere. Today, tomorrow, always. Fuck you and your downers!