Before the Storm

As human beings, and as we are, simply, we fail to grasp a lot of what happens in reality. We miss the simple truth around us because, at the end of the day, we live in an overstimulated world. And most of us, want to shut it down.

Things become too much to bear, too quickly. Life happens too fast for one to be able to grab it. A mind cannot keep up with such overwhelming factors.

And a storm comes and we are left to drown. We are left to rot among the rubble. Can we rebuild from this? Can we overcome the destruction we somehow contributed to?

We are humans. But in our essence, and despite any feelings we might have, we are never truly innocent. We affect our surroundings in ways we can’t always understand. (Should we understand it? Can we actually understand it?)

If we shut it down, however, can we deal with the storm that eventually comes, afterwards? If life is too much to handle, then how can one cope without resorting to numbing it all out?

I have no answers to all my questions and maybe, I ask too many. But I am human. I am not perfect. I live too painfully involved with everything around me. I simply live too painfully. And it’s my choice.

But how can one cope? How can one survive the storm that always comes around?

We can never shut everything down. That is something I have yet to comprehend. As much as I try, as much as I struggle with keeping it in check, I can’t. I can’t simply choose to shut it down.

If I do, if I give in, if I try to shut it all up… the storm will come anyway. And then I will wake up in the eye and I will see everything around being torn to pieces, being taken away from people’s hands.

Life always feels like this big pile of shit, that somehow we must manage to sort out. But as one friend of mine said, rather, it’s a shit sandwich we all must eat away at. But to me, this realization is gathered with a lot of willingness to reject it. My main instinct would be to shut it down.

I am human. I wanna shut it down. But I want to live fully. Why must I always look for ways to feel nothing, see nothing, hear nothing?

There’s a shitload of stuff I fail to understand. And the reason I use “fail” explains it all. It explains how I feel deep inside. It explains why I act a certain way. It just explains me.

But if I feel like a failure, it’s all a mentality issue. Or simply if I feel like I fail. Which seems like the same thinh but it’s definitely not.

I just fear the storm. But mostly, I fear my self. My humanity. My fragility.

I do wanna shut it down. I feel like doing it every day. Sometimes I give in. Sometimes I say no. Sonetimes I freeze.

Life is a lot. But we need not to shut it down. We need not to put ourselves in a position not to feel. It’s not human.

If things feel like too much, we should speak up. Someone will listen.

If the storm comes, we should find shelter. And such a thing is not too hard to find.

Fear not the storm. Fear not yourself. We are all human. Someone, somewhere, someday, will understand.

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