The “L” Word

Eye sight attached to some message thread, hoping for a reply that might one day appear.

I could begin to utter a lie and say I have no expectations. That my fears are not stupidly invigorated by an empty inbox.
But if you know me, you would understand it’s all bullshit.

See, I have no wish to bear such emotions within me and still, here I am. Whether I like it or not, my spirit decays because I chose to submit.
I submit to my feelings and my feelings have turned me into an irreparable puppet.

The loneliness I feel is only heightened by technologies designed to prevent it or suppress it.
The real sadness of our current society.

Loneliness was always present, in any time, at any monent and yet, somehow, in our efforts to overcome these crushing feelings, we have only managed to get them to grow larger and to make them ridiculously overwhelming.

How will we be able to halt this relentless drive into numbness?

My eyes return to the screen, as if they were thirsty, hungry, longing. My actual feelings are harmed, over and over again.

I dream of a day where this will all become trivial and I will be able to look back and laugh histerically. At this very moment, however, my soul is slashed and my attempts to heal it seem all desperate and vain.

Loneliness is a killer. Almost like a poison of some sort. One that might not be immediately fatal but attacks your bodily functions steadily.

Loneliness resonates in such a lively manner even if it really makes no sound whatsoever.

Loneliness shows up and knocks at the door, unannounced and is allowed in without any sort of dispute.

It’s misery.

But I want to gather the courage to deny it any liberties. And I want to help other people fight it back.

I first need to get my eyes of this abyss we call a smartphone and face the eyes that look for me and need me and want me, in that moment.

I do know I need to do that more often.

It might feel scary, vulnerable and even, ironically lonely, at first. But everything changes.

I have hope.

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