In the past few years and as experience has set upon my mind, I have come to realize that my generation is fucked beyond belief. But before you start screaming out “Ok, millennial!”, please shut the fuck up and read on.
I am not gonna start enumerating the several challenges we are facing and bound to face, especially the ones raised by older generations. I am not past that shit (and I don’t think I will ever be) but it really doesn’t fit what I aim to approach in this dissertation (if I can even call this written rant such a thing).
But man, oh man, we are so fucked. And apparently it’s not even in a way that we would like. It’s always Satan’s fucking pitchfork tearing away at our ass flesh.
One of the biggest issues comes with not allowing yourself to live.
I believe I haven’t lived much lately. I have only survived. At least, over the past 2 years, it seems. I have lost my spark. And the worst part was, I could fucking feel it.
I catch myself reminiscing of a Summer before that descent into darkness. Granted, I was getting drunk with my friends pretty much every day… But hey, ain’t we young?
(Damn, those were the days. Simpler times, for sure.)
We ran out of the workplace as soon as our shift ended and we went to have drinks at our favorite spot.
We talked about absolute bullshit and sometimes, you’d hear some amazing pieces of wisdom (but honestly, it was mostly bullshit).
We went to one of the best viewpoints in Lisbon, sat down and drank even more.
Some of us smoked cigarrettes, some of us smoked joints, some of us smoked both. (And it all felt like greatness.)
We looked around at each other and we knew the people around us were true, each in their own way.
How the fuck has that all changed? Is this growth? (Fuck me, I didn’t sign up for this.)
I have no idea how we became so bland. I say this because I have seen it happen and I admit it did. I am not sure if everyone else is in denial.
I don’t want to start dying just yet. I don’t believe I am supposed to.
(Maybe I need to make new friends? Be even more open to acquaintances?)
All I know is… I am dreadfully bored and I feel extremely understimulated. (Maybe I should start drinking some more again when I go out? Also, go out some more…?)
This was supposed to be our golden age and yet, it feels depressing as shit. And that is unacceptable.
We aren’t living, man. We are surviving. As if we needed to. As if we fucking needed to.
I don’t want to keep feeling like I am being complacent in my own experience. (Fuck, this is not what I want at all!)
So before Satan shows up with Neptune’s tool again, come with me…
Let’s get fucked up on cheap alcohol and take in this gorgeous city around us.
Let’s kiss beautiful girls and fuck more-than-willing men.
Let’s enjoy our declining existence somehow.
I don’t want to accept the fact that I am dying a bit more every day.