In the Mood For Love

Tease my body with your lonely hands,
Oh king of solitude,
Let not your pride reign you in.
Forsake your senseless obligations,
And the mindless chatter inhabiting your mind.

Tease my nerves with your electric fingers,
Oh king of illumination,
And allow the night to take you into its darkest hour.

All these years of shadowed longings
And deep pretensions,
Mean nothing to my history.
I could have always longed more,
You would have always pretended more.

We strolled through the midnight hours of the morning and the evening,
We smiled quietly when we would have laughed boisterously,
We abandoned the shade in our backs for the light in our imaginations.

Nothing was realer than what we could have had.
And thought we knew not of real,
We understood all that it meant,
Its implications would have been significant.

We chose subtle suffering.
Looking out the window in Winter nights,
Messages whispered into the wind and the trees in our home streets.
We kept all the secrets so well,
We even hid them from ourselves.
Every day was an Autumn morning.
Every night was Winter, chilling and killing our dreams of one another.
Flickers of lamp lights, gambling at our hearts.

The rain wouldn’t come until Spring
And until then we drowned ourselves
In liquor and in false expectations,
In kisses wronged and arms overtaken.
We stole what we didn’t have,
We lived what wasn’t our life.
And somehow that felt real enough.

The red lipstick I always wore faded
In another’s face.
I always waited.
I never let myself go.
I always thought the Winter would become Spring, and then Summer.
It did not.

And though the permanent sadness in me
Occasionally craves your lonely,
I realized you were no king.
Your solitude and illumination
Were a product of my unbearable imagination,
And what I really craved were my own hands on myself.

Love never left my body.
It exuded from me
And it intended to return to me.
But I expelled it away,
Like an ancient curse I feared would haunt me forever,
A curse that tormented me and threatened my descendants,
The fruits of all the love I still guard within me.

There’s still Winter days in my calendar,
And my red lipstick and heart palpitate
At their mere anticipation.
Nonetheless, most shadows have left my way.
And at last, I see what’s real.

Lights flicker outside,
It’s Autumn once more.
But the seasons shall pass as they always have,
And my illusions that negated then have long been erased.

I do crave a kiss.
(Though not your kiss, oh charmed king.)
I released my lips and my heart
To real love.
I long no more.
If I do, someone longs for me, as well.
And I pretend no more.
I suffer no more.

I wait for someone to appear outside my window,
And appear they shall.
Not hiding from anything.
Smiling up at me.
Kissing me through the wind and the trees wavering, and the lamps’ steady light.


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